#they function as a group is the real heart of the show for me I don't want that to get lost. I don't think it's impossible to balance both

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Something something about Buck and learning and or teaching.

Something something about Buck teaching when he really needed to be learning.

I just keep thinking about how the show has increasingly - especially last season - put Buck into the role of 'teacher' - including his coma dream. (i'm using teacher for the lack of a better term!) and how in the aftermath of the coma dream - he's been trying to teach but it hasn't worked - instead he's been learning.

I've been musing on the fact that even back in season 1 Buck has been in a teacher role -

Abby learning to chose herself and go for her happiness,

Bobby learning to let people in and Buck being a major part of that because of their developing father-son type relationship

'teaching' Eddie that he could rely on other people for help

Maddie learning at Bucks hand that she didn't need to keep running, that she could lean on him for support and build a new life for herself

Ravi being tutored by Buck in the fire house

even Lucy being given advice by Buck - teaching her through his own experiences in dumb luck

Buck making himself into a teacher in his coma dream and the idea that all these people he has helped teach teaching him that he has a place with them and that he is important

and so many more examples through the seasons that I won't list or I'd be here forever!

Because there has been a lot of emphasis on teaching and learning since Buck woke up from his coma - he learnt he was good at maths, but then wasn't allowed to help Chris with his maths homework because it would be cheating.

used his maths skills to win at Poker - but got taught lessons even in victory - rather than teaching others lessons (whatever they might have been)

Natalia being interested in him because he could teach her about death and things going south pretty quickly when it became evident that Buck needed to learn how to live again rather than be stuck in death

And now we've had several mentions by Tommy of him teaching Buck things - teaching him to fly, teaching him Mauy Thai, all the way to him being his bi awakening is teaching him about a part of himself he didn't know. Things are turned on their head - Buck is the student not the master now

Even with Eddie this season, we've seen him teaching Buck things - rather than Eddie learning from him - Eddie handing over this really important thing going on with Chris - Eddie knowing that Buck would be a better option - that Chris would open up to him more - is teaching Buck about his importance in the Diaz family - re-enforcing that he is part of their life. Its also Eddie who has had the good advice for Buck this time rather than the other way round.

Something something about 'you like to be the guy with the answers' to Buck becoming the guy with the (maths) answers - only for it to fade away and now he's having to learn

Something something about the tie to Buck and death and the resurrection and how Christ was the teacher up to and immediately after his death and resurrection when he left others on earth to spread his teachings and he ascended to learn at the right hand of god

Something something about how that is the key to happiness and that is what Buck has figured out and that is why his journey to figuring that out has had him wearing the bright blue - because in Christianity - that shade of blue is the colour of the kingdom of heaven (because it is the colour of the sky!) so putting Buck in it at all these key markers of his journey is showing him as being on the road to ascension.

This post is a mess - I don't even know what it is any more! I started with one idea about teaching and Tommy and then more kept coming and we ended up here!!!!

[ghostlyheart]

Happy Valentines Day!! 💝 I hope you spend the day being haunted by someone you love 👻 (or if you're like me, just eating a lot of heart-shaped candy)

Poll:

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

broken trust. [part 3] l Joel Miller

Summary:  you used to be very close, but he broke your heart, now your paths have crossed again

Warnings:  +18, smut, angst, swearing, unprotected sex (don't do that), guns, blood, infected, Ellie and Tommy appears

 A/N: I don't know how many parts this story will have, I suspect maybe two more. I didn't expect anyone to like it anyway. I'm grateful for your feedback though, it means a lot to me. a few people mentioned tagging - @vickie544 @dreamtofus @missladym1981 🖤 

[PART 2]

You were gone.

Joel had no idea how hard this would be for him. He was starting to feel strangely familiar feelings, but he didn't want to name them and he definitely didn't want to think about them. 

His body was playing stupid jokes on him. He would wake up at night feeling like you were still lying right next to him, or that he would soon feel your arms as you snuggled up to his back. He would look up at every significant sound on the staircase and sometimes he would feel like he heard your voice in the crowd of people.

But it wasn't you. You hadn't been in QZ for a long time.

Joel knew he had made a mistake. You had told him many times that he was obsessed with control, but he had explained it to himself only by the fact that he had already lost so much - he didn't want to lose you too. Only your absence made him realize what he really felt for you. Because if it was nothing, would it hurt so much?

Joel didn't remember that time very well, how he functioned. At some point Tess appeared, then Ellie. He didn't believe he would ever see your face again.

He would see you walking around Jackson with Ellie, or hanging out at a local bar with a group of people you knew. He wanted every moment like this to feel normal to him, but he couldn't shake this strange feeling. The feeling that you weren't real in some way, or that you weren't within his reach.

You didn't talk much. Hardly at all. It had been a few weeks since you'd met, and you'd only exchanged a few pleasantries. Ellie had been spending a lot more time with you, though.

Joel didn't mind, especially when Ellie started complaining that you only let her visit you after school. From what he could tell, you and Doc had been showing her how to administer medical aid, and that could come in handy. And he really enjoyed seeing the two of you in Jackson when you were both laughing and joking.

He'd wanted to approach you many times. But he couldn’t do this.

"You think you can hide here?"

"I'm not hiding." he mumbled and looked towards Ellie.

The girl sat down on a haystack at the entrance to the horse corral. She looked pleased with herself, because she caught him doing something he denied.

"You've been hiding here for days." she continued. "Like you have something on your conscience. The horses won't help you with that, dude."

"You're talking nonsense." Joel muttered under his breath and went back to brushing the horse he was taking care of. "Don't you have anything to do?"

"Y/N went to the neighboring settlement, so I guess not. I wanted to go with her, but she wouldn't let me."

"And she did the right thing." he heard Ellie snort. "You must like her, huh?"

"Yeah, she doesn't treat me like a kid. She's cool."

"What do you talk about when you spend so much time together?"

"And why do you want to know?" The girl stood up and walked over to him, her hand gently running over the animal's body. "It's a girl thing."

"Yeah, of course." Joel sneered.

"Yeah! Periods, ex-boyfriends, sex. You know."

When she noticed Joel's furrowed brows, she burst out laughing.

"God, you're so grumpy!" she laughed, but then she became serious. "What did you do to her?"

"W-What?! What did she tell you?"

"Nothing, that's the problem." Ellie shrugged. "I've tried all sorts of things, but she doesn't say anything about you. Except maybe 'Ellie, Joel knows what's good for you.' and things like that. Boring. But I still like her."

Joel put down the brush and wiped his hands on a cloth. There were definitely things Ellie would rather talk about with you than with him. He didn't blame her.

He even envied her. He would give a lot for a few minutes with you, without all the mess that was between you and that you pretended not to see.

"Want to go for a ride?" Joel nodded towards the horse.

"Yeah, it'll be fun."

Ellie helped him prepare the horses, but she had barely sat in the saddle when Tommy appeared in the stable.

"Joel!" he panted. "We need you!"

"What's wrong?" he asked nervously.

"The patrol spotted a group of infected. They're on our route to the next settlement."

"Y/N went there!" Ellie squeaked.

Joel looked at her quickly, his muscles tensing nervously and something tightening his heart.

"I don't know anything about her." Tommy replied, clearly worried. "She went with one of our men, but the patrol didn't report anything. Maybe they're still in town?"

"Or maybe they've already met up with them." Ellie muttered.

"Get off." Joel ordered "Tommy, this one is yours." He pointed to his brother's horse and reached for the gun standing by the wall "Wait for us!"

"I want to help!"

"You stay!" Joel growled at the girl and climbed onto the horse.

"Joel?" the girl stepped back so Tommy could get out of the stables "Bring her back, please."

He knew he would do anything to do it.

His footsteps behind you were heavy, but equally fast. When you reached the third floor and opened the door to your apartment, Joel was already a few steps behind you.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" he hissed, slamming the door behind him.

"I wasn't thinking at that moment." you replied, throwing your bag on the table and spilling a few personal items out of your pants pocket.

"I noticed that!" Joel growled, "That was fucking unwise and stupid."

"But it worked, didn't it?" you smiled, looking at him.

Joel was furious. You could see it in his entire posture. He rested his hands on his hips, his chest rising with each deep breath. The wrinkle between his eyebrows and that vein pulsing on his sweaty neck, once again, had pushed him to his limits.

You could have easily been arrested by one of the guards, it was all a matter of a few bad moves, a few poorly chosen words. You had a lot of contraband on you, and you...

"I acted on instinct." You said in your defense. "You should trust me more, Joel."

"I trust you, but you know it's not about that!" He pointed a finger at you. "You can't take that much risk!"

"I can handle it! You don't have to protect me all the time!"

The man took a few steps towards you, but you didn't back up an inch.

"I have to if you're going to act so irresponsibly!"

"Irresponsible?!" You sneered at his tone.

"Childish."

"You're such a jerk sometimes, Joel! You can't admit that I succeeded and..."

You didn't have a chance to finish, his strong hands grabbed your face and your lips collided in a hard kiss. There was nothing gentle about it. Joel forced your mouth open, and his tongue slipped between your lips, ripping a dull moan from your throat.

You threw your arms around his shoulders, your fingers tangling in his curly hair as you pulled him closer, pressing your whole body against his. You shifted, although it was quite difficult, and on the way you managed to tip over the chair.

"Fuck!" Joel pulled away from you when he painfully kicked the table, "Come here!"

He grabbed your buttocks and lifted you up so that you wrapped your legs around his waist. It was more comfortable that way and soon he threw you on the bed, and then you felt his weight on you. 

His hands greedily ripped off your shirt and undershirt. You felt his teeth as he lightly bit your breasts through your soft bra. You could feel that he was aroused as hell. His hard cock rubbed against your crotch through his jeans, driving you crazy. 

Your fingers hastily unbuttoned his shirt as Joel fought with the belt of your pants. Your lips were constantly fighting with each other, kissing, stealing each other's breath, or nibbling. Eventually, you both succeeded. Joel stood up and almost forcibly ripped your jeans off.

His shirt landed on the ground next to the rest of your unnecessary clothing. He sat back on his heels and began to unbutton his pants. His hungry gaze swept over your body.

"A penny for your thoughts." You whispered, but he just shook his head.

He never told you what was on his mind in moments like this, and not only in them. You often caught him staring at you as if he wanted to remember a given moment forever. To engrave it in his memory.

His swollen cock finally escaped his jeans, and a pleasant shiver ran through your body. Joel reached out his hand and you lifted yourself up, then sat on his hips, hugging his hot body. The tip of his cock slid a few times over your juice-covered folds and he slid inside you.

You both fell silent for a moment. Joel saw you close your eyes, taking in as much air as you could. He loved the sight, and he had no intention of ever telling you that either.

His hands held your hips as you took him inside to the very end. His cock filled you completely and stretched you so wonderfully.

"Do you want to go for a ride?"

His low voice echoed right next to your ear, his lips brushing your temple. He didn't have to ask a second time. 

Your hips rose and fell, then again and again. Joel let out the most arousing moans you've ever heard. His hands just held your body, squeezing it occasionally. You felt your orgasm building inside you, but at that moment you felt something else. A hard slap on your butt interrupted your heated sighs.

Confused, you looked at Joel, a sly smile appeared on his face.

"Who's acting childish here?" you mumbled.

Another slap and you bit your lip. Your hand slid down his neck and then you squeezed his cheeks, gripping his face tighter.

"I don't know why I'm still with you, Miller." you whispered, shaking your head in disbelief. "So irresponsible."

"I think I know why."

His hands pressed your hips harder and his cock hit the spot that drove you crazy. Again and again, it was Joel who was now directing your every movement, setting the pace. You felt the muscles in your thighs burning, but you didn't want to slow down. 

You were so close now, and Joel followed you, hiding his face in the hollow between your shoulder and neck. When your walls tightened around him, the most beautiful sound he had ever heard escaped your throat.

"Joel!"

He quickly laid you back on the bed, his hips slamming into you much faster. You knew he was close. At the last moment, he pulled out of you, stroking his cock a few times. He spilled onto your lower abdomen with a loud groan and threw his head back. One of the most beautiful moments you've ever seen him in.

"You're going to kill me." he mumbled, falling down next to you. "You'll be the death of me."

"Don't be so dramatic." you laughed, reaching for the towel on the chair and wiping off what he left on you. "You just have to trust me. Because I trust you, Joel." 

He smiled slightly and pulled you in to kiss your head. He wanted this moment to last forever.

It was chaos.

A car and a few riders were returning from a neighboring village. The trunk of the car was filled with goods that you managed to exchange, and you were in a really good mood. You were moving slowly. Troy, your companion, was telling you some old jokes, and nothing foreshadowed what was to come.

First, one of the horses got spooked. You noticed it in the side mirror, and right after that you spotted them. A group of a dozen or so infected people came out from between the trees.

The spooked horse threw its rider off.

"Stop!" you shouted to Troy, grabbing his arm. "We have to help him!"

"Y/N!" the man pointed to a point in front of you.

More infected people appeared, this time right in front of you. Troy hit the brake. You pulled your gun out of its holster and pulled the other one out from under the seat.

"Got any magazines, kid?"

"Yeah. A few."

Troy nodded.

"Good luck."

The sound of gunfire filled the air. The whole group sped up at once. Joel felt anger and fear growing inside him. Everything here was happening too slowly, he should have been there, with you.

"Joel!" Tommy caught up with him. "People first! Don't do anything stupid."

"You'll tell her that too?!" he replied.

They rounded a bend and that's when he saw it all. 

Frightened horses running around the area, an abandoned car and two men standing on it trying to kill as many infected as possible. Joel saw blood on the side of the road, but he couldn't see you anywhere.

The riders scattered, trying to help the trapped people.

"Where are you?"

He aimed his shotgun and managed to hit several infected who fell helplessly. He felt panic growing inside him.

"God, let this blood not be hers! Let this blood not be hers!"

Another shot. Screaming. Horses neighing. A shot.

Joel aimed again. Then he saw you. You appeared suddenly running from behind the car, your face covered in blood, but you were still alive. He saw you change the magazine, but one of the infected was too close.

Before you could aim, he fell to the ground after one accurate shot.

"Joel..."

The man stopped his horse right next to you and held out his hand.

"Come on!!"

"I don't..."

"Trust me! Please!"

You didn't hesitate this time. Joel helped you climb onto the horse and hit its sides with his heels to get you out of there as quickly as possible. He could feel you were behind him, hugging him around the waist. Alive.

The sounds of gunfire slowly faded away. Joel noticed more people who had managed to get out and sighed with relief. He stopped and immediately felt you slide off the horse, he did so too.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine." you replied trying to see more of where you were.

"Hey, show me."

"Joel, please." you whined.

"Show me." he grabbed your arm carefully and you looked at him. "What's that? You're bleeding."

You rubbed your cheek with your hand and saw blood.

"I fell. I must have cut myself."

"Only this?"

You nodded and a heavy stone fell from his heart. Joel didn't think about what he was doing. His arms pulled you in and you disappeared into his embrace.

It felt so natural. All the pressure you had felt for so long melted away from you, you unconsciously snuggled closer to him. His heart was beating like crazy, you knew yours was too.

You heard the sound of hooves and quickly moved away from Joel. Tommy and the group of riders stopped right next to you.

"Everything okay?" the man asked.

"Yeah. Thanks." You nodded. "We didn't expect them."

"We thought you wouldn't run into them after all. We lost one." He shook his head and looked back. "But the car has to stay there. We'll wait a few days. Maybe this group was the only one."

"Or maybe it's something more..." Joel muttered.

"Maybe." Tommy trailed off, but then nodded to the men. "We're going back, there's nothing for us here."

The drive to Jackson was silent. You were sure that each of you wondered how all of this had come to this and what it could mean. It was already evening when you reached the city.

Joel stopped, and it was only when you got down that you felt how exhausted you were. Your muscles ached and your stomach clenched unpleasantly.

"You should see a doctor."

His voice brought you back to earth. You looked at him blankly.

"Your cheek." He pointed at you with his finger. "Doc should see this."

"I... I'm fine." You replied, but seeing his pleading look, you sighed. "Okay, okay. Jesus, you're so stubborn sometimes."

You turned around and didn't have time to see the small smile that appeared on his face. It wasn't until the door closed behind you that Joel could breathe a sigh of relief. 

He felt his hands shaking and he nervously put them in his pockets. He hated this feeling, this helplessness and loss of control.

All he ever wanted was for his loved ones to be safe. He hadn't managed to do that with Sarah, but Ellie, you or Tommy... Joel didn't want to think about the lengths he could go to keep you safe. And now that life had put you in his path for the second time, he didn't want to screw it up even more.

"Still here?"

Your voice was resonant and Joel closed his eyes for a moment, but then turned to you.

"Yeah, I thought I'd wait for you. If you need anything." he replied.

There was a small bandage on your face.

"Don't look at me like that." you mumbled, smiling "It's your fault. I barely stopped Doc from stitching me up."

"Oh, really?" Joel raised his eyebrows "Have you seen yourself? Do you know what you look like?"

"Don't say that!" you raised a hand to stop him "Don't even try!"

"Scarface."

"Who's being childish here? This isn't even funny." you snorted.

It was good to hear your laughter. He felt a pleasant warmth filling him and that's probably why he decided to try something more.

"Maybe..." Joel cleared his throat "Maybe you'd like to have a drink with me or something?"

His words hung between you for a moment. The ball was in your court.

"Sounds good." you replied after a moment.

He smiled, and you felt how much you missed this in your life. You missed him.

[PART 4]

☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

[peonierose]

How are Bryce and Luna coping during the first month of being parents, and to twins no less?

”Love Me Tender“

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce Lahela (M!MC) x Luna Auclair (F!OC)

Words: 2,428k

TW: None. Mentions of breastfeeding.

Summary: Bryce and Luna are newly minted parents and weren’t prepared of struggling to put their twins to bed. Will they succeed?

A/N: Thanks so much for your ask @liaromancewriter it inspired me for two fics actually. ”Love Me Tender“ is one of them 🥰 The Title was inspired by one of the greatest artists and hot guys who’s ever lived, Elvis Presley 🩷

Bryce

It was 4:35 in the morning, and both Lunes and I were still awake. Trying to put the twins to bed. 

I sighed. 

How‘d my life come to this? Don’t get me wrong. I love our girls more than anyone I could ever love, but getting them to sleep is a real struggle. 

We put them to bed hours ago and put them on the mobile, letting pretty stars and moons go by, but their sleep didn’t last long. 

They woke up two hours ago and won’t fall asleep.

What happened to peace and quiet? One week prior, everything was great. They didn’t mention this quick transition in the pregnancy books I read. Maybe I read the wrong books? 

Well, I guess they covered other stuff, but not what to do when your kids wake you up at 4 a.m.

Luna suddenly sits up with Kehlani and walks her around the room. With Alaia in my arms, I go and get the bunnies they got from Ethan, their godfather, hoping that’ll soothe them into sleep. 

They hang onto the bunnies for a few seconds, but they’re still fussy. It didn’t work. Alaia's little face was still red from crying. 

So maybe plans c or d could work? Damn, we could really use Keiki’s help, but she’s on a field trip with her study group. 

Luna’s voice brings me back into the moment. 

”They’re not hungry, right? We changed them, and now what?“ Luna asks while I’m holding Alaia close to my chest. As I place kisses on top of her head, her soft blonde hair smells of lavender shampoo. 

I read somewhere that babies like skin-to-skin contact. So that’s why Lunes and I are basically standing in the middle of the room in our underwear. 

”I don’t know. Honestly, I’m close to crying with them. Then it’ll be a duet.“ Luna says it with a sigh. 

I exhale a long breath I’ve been holding in because I’m frustrated too. God, I‘ve never appreciated sleep more than I do now.

”What if we show them a video with marine animals? They seemed to love that last time.“ I suggested it, and I could see Luna’s shoulder droop in relief.

”Let’s give it a try.“ Luna adds, and we walk downstairs and sit down with the twins as I turn on Disney+ and select a nature documentary about marine animals, one that’ll last for at least two and a half hours. 

Soon, both twins' eyes are glued to the screen. 

We didn’t want to start them too early on screen time, but sometimes you have to in order to function as a human being and get some rest. 

After 30 minutes or so into the documentary, I saw both their eyes drooping, and they fell asleep.

”You’re a genius.“ Luna whispers, scared to wake them up.

"Well, this genius is too scared to move.“ I say frozen in place.

Luna sighs.

”Is now a bad time to have to pee?“ She says it with a guilt tinge in her voice.

I close my eyes. 

"Oh, come on, Lunes. Couldn’t you have peed before they fell asleep? What if we wake them up? Look how long it took before they fell asleep.“ 

Luna softly moves around.

”I’ll be quick, I promise.“ She says this and gently places Kehlani on the couch. As soon as her feet hit the floor, Lani stirs and starts to cry. Rosie isn’t far behind. 

”I hope your pee is worth waking the twins over.“ I'm trying to massage their little backs, hoping it’ll soothe them. 

Twins are funny in that regard. They have a special bond, especially if they’re identical twins, like our girls. 

But the downside is that as soon as one is ill or cries, the other does as well. 

They’re creepily in sync. Hopefully, it won’t stay like this forever—the crying, I mean. I know Kehlani and Alaia will turn out wonderful.

I turn to my wonderful girls.

”Why don’t you stop crying? Daddy would really like to get some sleep. So I can wake up pretty.“ 

They look up at my words and then continue crying. 

That’s when it hits me amidst the crying. I remember when Keiki and I were little, my mom used to sing to us »Love Me Tender« by Elvis Presley; it always calmed us down. Maybe we can try it with the twins. 

As soon as Luna is back from her bathroom break, I gently take the twins into my arms.

”I think I have an idea.“ I say the idea for the song is taking root. 

We walk upstairs, and Luna eyes me skeptically. 

”You know how to brew a potion that will make them sleep for seven hours straight?“ She asks excitedly. 

I gave her a sideways look. 

"Yeah, that was a little bit unrealistic.“ She shrugs, and I laugh softly. 

”Let’s try singing »Love Me Tender« by Elvis Presley.“

”Why that song?“ She asks as we reach the twin's bedroom. 

I breathed out, and as I laid the twins in their beds, I turned towards Luna, who never looked more beautiful. 

With wild hair, just in her underwear, illuminated by the light from the hallway. 

I put a strand of her hair behind her ear, and she smiled tenderly at me. It’s these moments I treasure the most, even with the twins crying. 

I pulled her closer as I told her about the idea I had. I want to reveal a bit more about myself and my childhood, which I don’t talk about nearly enough, but I should, because whether it was good or bad, memories are important to talk about. 

”My mom used to sing that song to me and Keiki all the time. Whenever we were sick, or when we were sad and had a hard time, it just always made things a bit easier.“ I explained.

Luna‘s smile reached her tired eyes, and she cupped my cheek to give me a soft kiss. 

”Let’s give it a try. I think I’ve still got my ukulele somewhere. Let me go grab it, and we’ll try singing that song. To be honest, it’s one of my favorite songs by Elvis. He was such a hot guy and so sweet. And what a voice, my god! They just don’t make them like that anymore.“

"Hey, I’m trying to save the world, and you’re calling another man hot? Shame on you, Lunes.“

”You didn’t let me finish. They don’t make them like that anymore, but you are the exception.“ She grinned. 

”You were always my favorite.“ I smiled and slapped her butt, making her laugh out loud as she went to look for her ukulele. Her laughter was still echoing from the walls, making me grin too. 

After a minute or so, Luna came back with her pink ukulele, adorned with flowers, hearts, and moons. She sat down in front of the twin beds and played the first tunes.

”I had no idea you played the ukulele.“ I was surprised to see her play the ukulele like a pro.

”I learned it along with Hula dancing.“

“Can I get this as a late birthday present?“ I imagined her in a hula get-up. The best image ever. 

Luna sighed.

"Really, that’s where your mind went to?“ She chastised me.

”Don‘t blame me. I’m tired and horny. And I’m not sorry.“

She shook her head, grinning. Soon the first tunes of the ukulele joined with her soft voice, and the twins stopped their crying. Too fascinated by what’s going on to keep crying. 

Yes, I pump my fist in the air; it looks as if the plan worked. Luna and I fist-bumped each other because our plan turned out better than expected. 

As the last note echoed in their bedroom, they soon fell asleep, and it looked as if we could go and catch some sleep too. 

”Thank God for our parents, who had good ideas.“

Luna nodded. 

We put on the mobile with the moon and stars spinning around softly and didn’t close the door entirely as we went to our bedroom. 

When we were lying down in bed, Luna turned to me, and I put an arm around her to pull her closer to me. 

”Let me guess you have a million questions.“ I said, and she elbowed me in the side. I laughed and kissed her on top of her head. 

”You miss her, don’t you?“

I don’t even try to act as if I don‘t know who she’s referring to.

"Yeah, I do, more than I care to admit.“ I turn around, so we’re lying face-to-face. 

”Maybe you need some love me tender too.“ Luna says this as she’s leaning into me. 

”That would be nice.“ I smiled against her lips.

Two days later...

Luna

We’re both leaning on the kitchen counter, bleary-eyed, and with our eyes half closed. 

”This is the second time in a row we haven’t slept.“ I mumbled. 

Bryce doesn't even look up from his coffee. 

”I mean, we knew this was going in, but it still stinks sometimes.“ 

I nodded and almost missed my mug in front of me.

”Damn. I never appreciated coffee as much as I do now. I love our kids, but I’d give my left kidney for two hours of sleep. Not even night shifts are this bad.“ 

”Come on, we'll get through this.“ I tried to sound more cheerful but just ended up sounding tired. But from the smile tugging at Bryce’s lips, I could still make him smile, which is a win in my book.

I’m about to take another sip from my juice since I‘m nursing when our doorbell rings, and I just grumble. 

”I’ll go get it.“ I said, and Bryce just mumbled incoherent words. 

I opened the front door, seeing my cousin Skyler, or Sky for short, stand in front of me.

”Good morning, sunshine.“ He looked well rested, with no dark circles under his smooth tan skin. His piercing dark blue eyes shone as if he sprang from the youth fountain. It’s so unfair how good he looked compared to my tired self. 

I groaned again and shielded my eyes from the glaring sun coming inside our house.

I stepped aside, and Sky walked in. 

”Is it a good morning? Huh. It’s already morning, and the sun is shining. Gosh, I’ve lost all feeling for what time it actually is or what day.“

Sky turned my way and only raised his eyebrows.

”You’re being weird.“

I sighed and joined Bryce in the kitchen. I grinned as Bryce held on to his steaming coffee mug, half asleep. 

”I came to the rescue. I thought I’d have to send a search party after your radio silence.“ 

”Please make him stop saying words.“ Bryce groaned.

”Come on, I’m good with kids, and I’m offering to help.“ Sky grinned. 

”So they sent you?“

”B!“ I exclaimed.

”Look, man. I’m really sorry. I’m just so fucking tired.“ Bryce sighed.

”Me too.“ I joined in while taking a sip of my mango and pineapple juice. 

"Yeah, Luna too.“ Bryce said while smiling tiredly. 

”No hard feelings. It’s all good. You‘ll get a free pass. This once. I know mom and dad struggled with us; you know, we're triplets, so I thought I’d help you out.“ Sky explained. 

Bryce’s eyes were tired from being up all night helping me change the twins and trying to make them fall asleep. 

We’re exhausted, and it’s only been four months since we brought the twins home. 

Sky looked from me to Bryce.

”You guys look as if you’ve partied all night. And it was a weird theme party.“ He teased. 

"Yeah, if you count changing, breastfeeding, and getting the twins to sleep, and it takes almost all night? Yeah, then we partied real hard.“ I sighed.

And then I added. 

"Damn, breastfeeding really hurts. Who knew? I really hope the pain lessens a bit.“

”I’m even too tired to make a dirty joke about breasts and make you feel better.“ Bryce sighed and smiled softly but tiredly.

”I don’t need to know about your…uhh…anatomy. Or your female body parts.“ Sky winced. 

”Who’s being weird now?“ I smirked.

”Fair.“

We were all startled when we heard the baby monitor on the kitchen counter squeak. 

Both Bryce and I groaned.

Sky smiled.

”You know what? Why don’t I check up on the little angels? While you guys do whatever it is you do, make out or something.“

”We’re way too tired to make out.“ Bryce and I said it at the same time. 

The fog in my brain lifted, and it hit me. 

”Wait, are you here to babysit?“ 

Sky shrugged. 

"Yeah, why not? I have the next two days off, so I thought I’d take over, and you can go and do whatever it is you’re doing.“

”You’re an angel, and I love you.“ I smiled and hugged him tight. Sky grinned and hugged me back. 

Yep, he’s my favorite cousin. At least right now. 

”She doesn’t mean it.“ Bryce commented with a mischievous glint in his eyes. I grinned, so that’s where Lani and Rosie got it from. 

”Stop being mean.“ I said this to Bryce without any real heat behind my words. 

”Sorry. If you’re true to your word, I’ll go take a nap.“

I stopped hugging Sky for a minute to give B a look.

”Not even showering?“

”I love my bed more than my shower right now.“

"Well, I don’t. So let’s hit the shower.“ 

Sky looked from me to Bryce.

”You are weirding me out. I’ll go look after the twins.“ 

”Thanks Sky.“

”You got it.“ He yelled. 

Bryce and I walked outside to our shower while Bryce mumbled and was grumpy until the water hit his face. 

When we came back from our shower and were settled in our bed, Bryce checked the baby monitor, but the monitor was quiet. It looks as if Sky is a wizard when it comes to calming down kids. 

”It’s so quiet.“ I turned to Bryce.

”What did we do before we had kids? Look at me, sounding pathetic.“

”You don’t sound, and you aren’t pathetic. It’s a new routine for us. And I guess we just have to find our balance.“

We both nodded.

Bryce drew circles on my skin, and I curled up into him, and seconds later we were already asleep while holding hands. 

Life is good when you’re with the people you love. Whether you’re blood-related or not, cherish those moments. 

[silviakundera]

Dramas I watched in 2023

[Chinese Dramas]

My Journey to You - Wuxia. Spy games, badass ladies, subtextually homoerotic cousins. Gentle & sweet ML who melts the cold & calculated heart of FL assassin. Gorgeous setting and cinematography. Left me with a burning desire to see Zhang Ling He play more gentle babygirl MLs and Esther Yu to play more anti-heroes. Absolutely perfect to me.., if we just pretend the director didn't add a pointless cliffhanger in the last 5 min. Which is how I choose to live my life.

Story of Kunning Palace - 'rebirth' costume drama that I waited to air for like 2 years or something and then it... actually didn't disappoint? And was almost everything I wanted? 😳😲 This is THE couple for that post about the pair that need to be stuck in a neverending monogamous relationship with each other as a quarantine measure to protect everyone else.

A Journey to Love - wuxia perfection. The stand-out drama that I wasn't expecting. Murder mommy & murder daddy became an otp for the ages and all of the supporting characters were interesting and dynamic. I cared about so many more characters than I expected and never fast fowarded. Just immensely satisfying.

The Ingenious One - wuxia with a weak, scheming scholar protagonist on a revenge quest (yes, we've all heard that before!) who puts together a group to execute his cons, Leverage style. I love me a martial artist x weak scholar couple 👌. Some exciting twists & turns in this one. Both A Journey to Love and The Ingenious One are best enjoyed coming in with little to no information. Hell, skip the trailers and simply dive in!

Hidden Love - Modern drama. Top tier romance-novel-on-screen writing and acting. It felt honest and real. The coming of age arc for the FL was well done. Great brother & sister relationship that feels authentic. The ML's backstory was so heart breaking because it was never overplayed for melodramatics. Just a quiet pain, a distance and a burden he carried with him.

Road Home - Modern. "Do you remember who I am?" / "Yes. If I were to turn to ashes, I would still remember you." I am very weak for the "reunited exes", "second time around" trope when the actors are capable and the breakup wasn't a narratively convenient 'misunderstanding'. As a career woman who works very long hours, I also tend to appreciate modern drama relationships where the couple manages to stay functional & supportive while not having a lot of free time for each other. That's my version of wish fulfillment 😂. I felt like this narrative made me fully understand why they couldn't make a long distance relationship work as young adults but now they're ready and have experienced enough of the world to know that they are happier with their lives joined together than apart.

Love You Seven Times - xanxia. I wrote a whole review post (love letter) on this one, since it seems rather underrated. I feel like this one may actually end up one of my fav examples of the genre. I just sincerely bought into the couple and their mutual devotion.

The Last Immortal - xanxia. Terrible trailer but turns out to be a decent show. I'm a fan of the genre, so I'm enjoying it. (I think you do need to be, to enjoy it - it doesn't transcend or really subvert..just a solid representation of xanxia) I like both lead actors and they do a good job with the material. It's working better for me than Ancient Love Poetry and Ashes of Love. After being eager for Song of the Moon in 2022 but then being let down (I dropped that one quick), I'm very happy 2023 brought me 2 xanxia I liked.

Three Body - modern sci-fi. Book 1 of my fav sci-fi trilogy of recent years. As a novel fan first, I was pleased to see it on screen with talented actors. Eager for book 2.

Love Me, Love My Voice - modern drama with an unusual couple (2 introverts) and dubbing fandom hyper fixation. A laid back relaxation drama, to de-stress with. Minimal plot, no conflict. Just sweet slow burn relationship building, singing & audio performances. Supportive friendships.

Here We Meet Again - modern drama that suffered from sloppy editing. I mean almost incoherent editing in a couple places, like when they are counting down the days until getting married and then.. It's not mentioned again? 🙃 But I very much enjoyed the couple's chemistry. I can't say it was objectively good but it sure was compulsively watchable for some reason.

Royal Rumors - Costume drama that was so aggressively mediocre that I don't have any real explanation for not dropping it. Except I find the lead actress unspeakably alluring. Blame my hormones.

Dropped

Back to the Brink - xanxia. Great concepts but the execution didn't work for me. I'm not a fan of slapstick and wacky humor within serious subject matter. (It's the reason kdramas can be very hit or miss with me.) The amount of humor layered into AJourney to Love is basically my limit for tragicomedies. (Note: I did go read the book and it was very entertaining - the tone was much more to my taste.)

My Lethal Man - modern. Embarassing english name, but they had me in the first half, not gonna lie. Then after her identity was exposed, I wasn't feeling it idk. Sometimes it's just not that complicated.

Destined/Chang Feng Du - costume drama. idk really why I dropped. I watched about a 3rd of it and then was distracted by other shiny objects. I plan to come back to this one in 2024 and finish.

Romance of the Twin Flower - costume drama; unholy abomination of a great novel. I hope somehow, someday, the culprits pay for their crime. Need I say more?

[Korean Dramas]

Perfect Revenge Marriage - a modern rebirth tale. For the 90% of it, I was high on the love of a drama that is just what you didn't know you wanted. The camp, the dedication, the scenery chewing, the glorious evil step mother. It was magical. And then the last 2 episodes I found underwhelming. I can't really explain it, the climax just didn't hit for me. But that's very much a personal taste issue and I'd definitely recommend to all drama lovers who enjoy the genre. Seriously, the performance of evil step mommy was a master class.

King the Land - modern workplace romance. I've heard complaints that there wasn't much of plot. But tbh that was fine with me, because some dramas are simply character pieces. This was all about the personal growth of the FL and ML. I ended up invested and rooting for the ML to become a decent guy who isn't a gross classist like his dad.

Destined with You - modern reincarnation drama. I blame my lingering kdrama good feelings about King the Land for convincing me to keep powering thru this one. Such a strong start but then half-way in I began to realize it simply wasn't going to go into the direction I wanted it to. I still have no idea what they intended to communicate with that love potion subplot.

Vincenzo - modern crime drama. I was late to the party on this one. But after I got around to watching the delightful Kinnporsche, this was rec'd to me as another drama that embraced the bigger than life unreality of Fantasy Mafia™ and provides a rollicking good time. Absolutely ridiculous and compulsively watchable. 10/10.

[American]

House of the Dragon - Awful people doing awful things to each other, as a 1st act before everything goes straight to hell. Plus freaky dragon-riding fantasy incest. What's there not to like?

Fall of the House of Usher (YES i DO watch every horror drama by Mike Flanagan thx) - Was it as good as the first 3..? No. Did I still breathlessly binge it in 2 days? Yes. Awful things happening to awful people, poetically. 👌 👌

[icedroppedinparasolcider]

so, i started thinking (which is already a dangerous task for me to do at any given time), and it lead to me asking a question: "Why is WxS Kaito in Solid Heart?" and it sent me down such a deep rabbit hole of realisation that i'm going to word vomit everything into this post.

so first, for the unitiated: during the second april fool's day event, the cast of project sekai was stuffed into a single school: the All Music Mikudemy (or just mikudemy from here forward), and organised into four classes, with one from each unit entering each class. cautious heart, with honami, haruka, kohane, tsukasa, and mafuyu; passion heart, with saki, minori, an, rui, and mizuki; solid heart, with shiho, airi, akito, nene, and ena; and pure heart, with ichika, shizuku, toya, emu, and kanade. but one additional part of it is that the virtual singers also got shuffled into these groups, with one from each sekai (two from vbs) entering the four classes: 25ji miku in pure heart, mmj rin in passion heart, vbs len in passion heart, l/n luka in cautious heart, vbs meiko in cautious heart, and wxs kaito in solid heart.

we know it's these specific versions of the virtual singers because of minor design details shown through their live2d models and the way they behave (or, for miku, it's really obvious she's from the empty sekai). rin having the stage sekai ribbon specificially, len wearing the uniform like he does his street sekai jacket, luka's sweater having the same blue accents and her wearing the same locket, meiko wearing the same earrings she does in the street sekai and using the kamiyama uniform's tie, and kaito having the same mustache pin he wears on his wonderland sekai uniform. there's also the fact these six are considered the "initial" virtual singers of each group and were part of the cast of the 2.5 anni virtual singer event. which was probably what decided who would be part of the mikudemy in the first place.

all of this established, i again ask the question at the core of this: Why is WxS Kaito in Solid Heart? the way he behaves aligns far more with the vibes of cautious heart, especially with the fact he's the initial virtual singer of tsukasa's sekai. his controlled, older brother air (if emu's "kaito onii-san" says anything) matches the way tsukasa feels and behaves regarding saki, that's certainly a large part of what formed kaito into the sekai in the first place. he's the leader of the virtual singer theatre troupe, he handles most of the directing for their shows, he functions as the "straight man" to the comedic natures of the wonderland sekai cast. everything kaito is aligns with cautious heart, not solid heart. so Why?

the short, and probably real answer if we assume colopale didn't put a ton of thought into an april fool's event, is that they otherwise wouldn't have a virtual singer for solid heart. none of the chosen cast fits the description of solid heart, most of them significantly worse than kaito does at first glance, and cautious heart already has two of the major "mentor" virtual singers in l/n luka and vbs meiko. the closest to a solid heart rep beyond what they already have would probably be vbs len, but i definitely agree that he's better fit for passion heart, for reasons i'll get into later as i answer the big question (including but not limited to: keeping len with rin).

but i think there's an actual reason behind kaito's solid heart placement, something i discovered by looking through the other virtual singers and why they fit the classes they've been assigned.

first, let's look at luka, meiko, and cautious heart as a whole, since i already have a short (by my standards) description of what makes cautious heart cautious heart on my blog as is, it's just more focused on why tsukasa's in it in particular rather than about the class as a whole. cautious heart is, by description, a grouping of natural leaders that handle those around them with great care and kindness, often to a point it begins to reflect poorly on their mental health (look at honami and mafuyu). all of them come from some level of "talent"—haruka is regarded as a perfect idol, kohane has a natural gift for singing, mafuyu's... entire story—but where this separates from pure heart, who carry the same trait, is the way this impacts their lives, starting in some way negatively. as their talent brings with it expectation, either from themselves (tsukasa and mafuyu) or the world around them (everyone else), and this expectation is something that weighs heavily on these characters. a massive central part of all of their themes is this expectation, the impacts it left in their lives, and how they move forward with this expectation. some of them leave it behind them (mafuyu), some of them chase with the dream of overcoming it (kohane and tsukasa), and some of them completely redefine what these expectations mean (honami and haruka).

if we look at l/n luka and vbs meiko, we can immediately see a couple throughlines to this theming: namely the factor of talent and leadership. luka is the senpai of the school sekai, having knowledge of all four leo/need instruments to a degree that she can reliably teach the members of the band how to improve throughout their entire story, and being the only one to genuinely test shiho's mastery of the bass earlier in the story. the role luka plays in the stories of leo/need's members matches the role honami plays in the relationships of the band, sharing that same unending drive to care and support the others in the group, something especially shown through her roles in Stella After the Rain and Live with Memories. vbs meiko is very much the same way for the street sekai, being the owner and bartender of crase cafe and holding a mentor role for the other virtual singers and members of vivid bad squad. she doesn't step in to assist with improving their singing until vbs get noticeably better, roughly halfway into their journey to surpass rad weekend, because not only does it provide opportunities for the other virtual singers to provide their input, but her teachings exist on a level above what the others offer at first.

both school sekai luka and street sekai meiko stand on a level beyond the other virtual singers in their sekai, and choose to offer their wisdom akin to a parent or a teacher rather than peer-to-peer like many of the other relationships with the virtual singers tend to be. they are leaders within their sekai, even looked to as such by those that made the sekai they're part of. perfect fits for cautious heart.

then there's rin and len. the former is really easy to assign to passion heart; stage sekai rin takes most after minori, if not clear by her being the least experienced of the six and her role in Hear Me! Hopeful Stage and Connected by Painful Hope (performing two different roles for minori and haruka respectively but they're both parallels to minori's own role in the idol group; rin's empathy and understanding for minori's struggle and the extra perspective she gives to haruka that she otherwise wouldn't have considered). everything about mmj rin connects back to minori in some way, and as a passion heart student herself, it was a given that stage sekai rin would be assigned the same class.

but len approaches passion heart from a completely different direction, something that adds a new perspective to the class and their stories. because on the surface, len would be better fit for solid heart: his relationship with akito is one of the core dynamics of the street sekai, he's constantly in competition with street sekai rin, and even to some degree with miku (mirroring the early dynamics between akito and an), and he played a major role in akito's chapter of BREAK DOWN THE WALL. most of the evidence points toward solid heart vbs len, but i believe the part that puts him in passion heart is the fact rin is a given to go there. because rin and len are a pair. they share a number, they're both kagamines, and across every sekai they have a special relationship that works as a motivator for at least one member of the sekai. and out of every group, it's vivid bad squad that puts the most emphasis on the importance of partnership. it's a massively central and unendingly important aspect of its story and the growth of its characters.

street sekai len takes this pairing of rin and len to an extra level, as their relationship is the example of vivid bad squad's partner dynamic. every time conflict arises between the two, it's ultimately born from wanting to be a better partner for the other; something that's directly paralleled across both the bad dogs and the vivids. entire plot points are built from the importance of this dynamic, the fact they are the most important people in each other's lives (not even in a shipping sense, this is just direct storytelling; to deny that fact is to deny the essence of the group itself), and that manifests itself into the dynamic of rin and len. a pair of virtual singers whose relationship transcends sekai. no matter the circumstance, no matter the personality they're given, they are partners.

and when you look at passion heart through this perspective, you can immediately see a pattern: every member of passion heart strives to embody a certain light they were given. saki with tsukasa, minori with haruka, an with nagi, rui with tom gray, mizuki with yuuki. and, within their own groups, their stories develop their characters through their relationships with others, having entire events around a particular, vitally important person: saki's Parallel Harmonies with ichika, minori's entire dynamic with haruka, an's entire arc from Bout for Beside You to Whip the Wimp Girl!!, rui's relationship with tsukasa after the main story, and mizuki's My Footprints, Your Destination and Our Escape For Survival for ena and mafuyu respectively.

passion heart is built around its relationships, the importance other people play in their lives and growth. to not include the inseparable pair of rin and len in that class would simply be a mistake.

this brings us back around to kaito and solid heart. what about wonderland sekai kaito connects him to the themes of solid heart? well, if school luka and street meiko are cautious heart students at the ends of their journeys, and street len is a new perspective on the meaning of passion heart, i think wonderland kaito is meant to be both of these things. because kaito is the solid heart connection to cautious heart, a representation of what they're capable of by embodying a class solid heart often envies.

wonderland kaito pulls a lot from tsukasa's character (obviously so, as a manifestation of his emotions), and tsukasa's story, despite himself being cautious heart, reflects the themes of solid heart. specifically the events On the Stage of Dazzling Light and Towards the Phoenix at the Sky's Edge. stories about tsukasa's struggle to perform as the actor he wants to be, the latter specifically putting him in a position of intense longing for a goal he feels is lifetimes away from him. yes, both of these are for the sake of the character he's playing, but that reflects perfectly in the stories of solid heart, who put their all into their work to achieve the goals they've set out for themselves, and will put themselves through the most difficult climbs just to reach the top of the cliffside. if the way his story presents itself wasn't better fit for cautious heart, and nene wasn't already a perfect solid heart student, tsukasa would be solid heart. and kaito, carrying such a major piece of tsukasa: his dedication to his craft, is the solid heart within tsukasa. the drive to grow, the will to keep pushing no matter the challenge, the willingness to try anything that might lead to success, even if they get hurt in the process. yes, he acts more like cautious heart, but that's the point.

shiho has always been an odd one when it comes to solid heart's themes. yes, they act like a member of solid heart (all the way down to the common mischaracterisation of them being an asshole, a universal trait of solid heart characters), but their story has always worked in contrast to the rest of solid heart. solid heart characters come from a position of inferiority, feeling the need to overcompensate and push themselves to their limits in order to "keep up" with the rest of their groups' capabilities. shiho has never had this struggle; they've always been skilled, the most experienced member of the band. shiho has an entire event, Don't Lose Faith!, that has ichika confront them about the fact they hold back to not outshine the other band members, so they don't glow too bright and take the glory for themselves. it's the opposite of what solid heart has always needed to do. because shiho, like kaito represents, is already there. their drive was uninhibited by their environment, save for the struggle to find a band they can participate in. their actual ability as a musician has never been hampered by the world, while the rest of solid heart run off the belief they're worse than their group because that's what the world has told them, directly or indirectly. shiho is the sunlight that solid heart is capable of achieving.

so wonderland kaito, much like shiho represents, is an embodiment of what solid heart can do with their determination to grow despite the challenges. because they look up to the cautious heart students, they're envious of their skills and talents. but kaito is the proof that they can be that.

that, i think, is why kaito is solid heart. the virtual singers are representations of these characters' feelings and aspirations, and wonderland kaito serves as an embodiment of the goals of solid heart. their mission to be like the cautious heart students that seem to have everything together. kaito shows them that it's possible by being like cautious heart but still solid heart.

[primeravera1990457]

A Yunjae Analysis, Part 1

Hello everyone,

I'm new here, so, I don't really no the functioning of Tumblr.

To introduce myself, I'll say that I discover a few month ago the DBSK group, Alias TVXQ! And after, I discover the mytic couple of the group "Yunjae", or JAEHO, that was their first appelation. I don't know why, but I became a real fan of this couple.

Maybe because both Yunho and Jaejoong were the cutest people in the world?  honestly, when I see these photos again at the time of TVXQ5, I don’t think exaggerate so much by saying that they were the cutest in the world!

Look at this adorable face that Jaejoong had: (look here, here , here and here, here). Yeah guys, you're not dreaming! He was real! I think that in the "cute" genre, we can’t do better!  And Yunho, do we talk about him? Wasn’t he too cuuuuute there and there, there, there, there, and here , here, and here ?

It’s certain, their beauty is no stranger to the fact that I was really into this couple, more than the others couple of kpop. More ever, I find Yunjae was more real than the other couple of Kpop.  

Besides the beauty of this couple, it was also their demonstration of love that moved me. Watching the old DBSK videos and watching Yunjae, I felt even more transported than watching a romantic drama. These two really made me dream.

In this post, I would like to talk about the relationship between Jaejoong and Yunho just before the group DBSK split. In previous years, there have long been debates about whether Yunjae was «real» or «not real». What does it mean? «Real» means that they were in a couple, or at least, in love. For me, it is obvious that they were at least in love. But I also believe they were a couple.

After browsing hundreds of videos of Yunjae, I don't think I am wrong in saying that they were really in a relationship, and not only in love (at least, during the period before the separation of the group, so until 2009).

So, what made me think they were in love, and not just friends? If I had to go from the most obvious to the least obvious, I would say that what betrayed the love they had for each other the most were first, the gestures of lovers (back hug, holding hand). All this is more like a couple of lovers than a couple of friends. Just looking at these images, it should be enough to say that they were in love. There were many others clues on the net that shows us they were in love, but i’m too lazy to show all the proofs.

Of course, before they were a couple, they were first in love. When did it start? Cassopia said it was probably after Yunho was poisoned, so maybe in 2006. But personaly, I think that it was earlier when their feelings began to be born. Here, here, and here, we can see Yunho hugging Jaejoong and here, you can see how yunho’s hugs affect Jaejoong. He says Yunho’s hug trouble him (it gives him butterflies in the stomach!) I think in that moment, they have feelings for each other, but neither of them dared make the first step to confess their feelings. Considering the colors of Jaejoong hair, I think it was in 2004 or 2005

During the making of Dangerous love (in 2005), Jaejoong still showed how troubled he was when Yunho touched him. You can see that here. He said : " I fell like i'm actually this person (his character) I think I becoming a woman" "When Yunho touch me...Might I say it ?" Jaejoong don't finish his sentence, but we can guess what he was going to say. He said he feels like a girl, because at that time, he thought that only girl may be physically troubled by a man, because a man shouldn't have this kind of feeling for another man.

After, when he said "When Yunho touch me...Might I say it ?" He doesn't finish his sentence, but if he did, he would say : "When Yunho touch me, my heart is pounding right now", or something like this...

I find him so cute here ! he looks like a teenager discovering his sexuality. He seems so confused about it. And there is many others moments in this video when you can see Jaejoong troubled by Yunho.

After filming, Yunho said in a show that after dangerous love, they "don’t speak to each other for 4 days because they blushed every time they saw each other". That confirm to me that they have feelings for each other at this time.

I think It was shortly after that Yunho confess his feelings to Jaejoong. What makes me think it’s Yunho that confessed his feelings, and not Jaejoong ? It’ s this video. Look also the attitude of Changmin and Junsu…so yeah, for me, it was Yunho who had make the first step, and between us, it shouldn’t have been very complicated, considering how Jaejoong was smitten with Yunho. You don’t believe me ? So, look at this. He clearly drools on him.

I think I showed that Yunjae were more than friends : around 2005, they were probably in love with each other.

Because I didn’t want to be too long, I would post next time the second part showing how Yunjae was may be also a real couple.

in the meantime, if you have any questions, or if you want discuss about them, ask me.

[amnestria-the-elf]

I had a dream that my 77-year-old mother was isekai'ed into BG3, so of course I had to write a small little ditty about it.

To be clear, my mother would make a terrible Tav. She has no interest in fantasy or sci-fi and spends the majority of her time on Facebook. Being outside is her least favorite activity. Her favorite TV show is one of the Sunday morning news programs (I have no idea which, because I have not watched broadcast television since 2012, but she definitely tells me about the stories they have on that show all the time.) She is not a decisive person; she was raised in the toxic traditional gender role post-war Boomer era, and is perfectly fine to let others dictate how her life turns out.

Having said all of that, she'd make a decent Bard. For a sweet-looking older lady, she can come up with some surprisingly sick burns. Probably all of that repressed rage that she refuses to get therapy about. Anyway.

*~~~*

Linda was far too old for this shit.

Other women her age spent their time knitting, or going to their little exercise classes, or watching their soaps, or swapping stories about their grandchildren, or writing interesting Facebook posts. God, she missed writing Facebook posts.

But not Linda. Oh, no. Linda had somehow gotten pulled into a horrifying universe and had some kind of parasite inserted in her head, and now found herself surrounded by an unlikely band of misfits who shared the same affliction.

Perhaps she was having a psychotic break. Maybe she was really back home and her daughter had placed her in some kind of institution because she was entirely unresponsive. Honestly, she hoped that was true, but her back hurt like hell and every wound she sustained bled real blood, and that odd little Goth girl had to heal her every time, so she was reasonably certain that what was happening was real.

She was getting better at not getting wounded as often, at least. She learned that she was of better use to the group when she stayed in the back and just yelled insults at the enemies while everyone else did their thing. The angry alien lady seemed perfectly happy to take her rage out on anyone in her way and that disturbingly pale elf did well with his little bow and arrow. He really needed to get some color into his cheeks; he’d never find someone to be with looking like that. If only she could go to Walgreens and get him some bronzer. It would do him a world of good.

The magical bearded man did a surprisingly good job of cooking their meals. Linda tried to help but quickly realized she had no idea how to cook over an open fire. She longed to be back in her newly-remodeled kitchen, with the induction cooktop and smart fridge that automatically reordered her groceries for her. How did any of these people even function without wifi? They would never get to see the funny cat videos that she sent her daughter every day. Such a shame.

The most helpful companion was the heroic young man who had jumped down to fight the goblins in front of the Grove. What was his name? Will? No, Wyll with a “Y.” She remembered the odd little Goth girl teasing him about it. He had been so good with those little horned children after the fight. Her granddaughter would love playing with him.

Tears stung at her eyes as she thought about her granddaughter. Would she ever get to see her again? She sighed heavily as she stared down into her bowl of porridge.

“Are you alright?” a kind voice asked.

Linda looked up to see Wyll coming to sit down on the log next to her with his own bowl of porridge.

“Oh, yes, I’m fine. I was just thinking about my granddaughter,” she said.

“Oh, you have a granddaughter?” Wyll asked. “What is she like?”

“She’s about the same age as those kids you were training back in the Grove. I think she’d like you, actually. She’s very active. She tears around the house as fast as she can, slaying imaginary dragons or pretending to be a lion.”

Wyll laughed. “A courageous heart, no doubt. I hope I can meet her someday.”

Linda sighed wistfully again. “She lives… very far away from here.”

He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You must miss her very much.”

“Yes,” she whispered as tears filled her eyes again.

“Istik, enough sniveling,” that angry alien lady interrupted. “We must find the creche today. Purification cannot wait.”

“Give her a break, Lae’zel,” Wyll said. “She misses her family.”

“Tch,” Lae’zel said with an eye roll, but walked away.

“We don’t have to listen to her, you know,” Wyll said when Lae’zel was out of earshot. “You can choose what we do today.”

“I don’t know what we should do,” she replied. “You decide.”

Wyll frowned. “Well, the area where the githyanki were spotted is not far from a little settlement, Waukeen’s rest. There might be a healer staying at the inn there. It’s a longshot, but…”

“That sounds fine,” Linda said. “Lead the way.”

*~~~*

The burning building put Linda over the edge. No way could she handle rushing into flames and smoke to save somebody. Let the young people kick in doors and risk life and limb. Wyll seemed very proud of himself as he rushed in, so Linda just sat down on the edge of the fountain with a soft groan. Minutes passed; she started to worry that perhaps they weren’t going to come back out when a group of sweaty, sooty people stumbled out, coughing. 

When it became clear that Wyll was actually the son of a Grand Duke, Linda’s mind was made up.

“That’s it, Wyll. From now on, you’re in charge,” she said.

“I’m… what?” he asked, bewildered.

“In charge. You make the decisions. I’m done,” she said.

“Um, you’re sure? I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes…”

“I’m sure. I don’t think any of the others can handle it. Magic man talks too much–”

“Magic man?” Wyll asked, the corners of his mouth twitching.

“I’m not good with names!” Linda snapped. “The pale one is too whiny and these two–” she gestured to Lae’zel and Shadowheart– “won’t quit fighting. That leaves you. Help me. Please.”

Lae’zel and Shadowheart both started to grumble, but Linda cut them off with a withering glare honed by years of experience taking care of children and a husband. Wyll eyed them, then nodded and took a deep breath. “All right. I’ll take charge. And make sure everyone gets what they need,” he said pointedly towards the others.

Good. Let Wyll do whatever needs to be done. From here on out, Linda was staying at camp.

[violetren]

Just took my nephew to see Strange World and it was a great movie. After so many mommy issues driven Disney movies it was fun to see a daddy issues driven one.

There is actually so much I could say on it.

Like how one of the key messages actually felt like it was aimed at the parents rather than the kids - don't let building a legacy for your kids actually get in the way of being there for your kids in the now because they are your real legacy. Alternatively: don't lose sight of the fact that your kid is just as much an individual as you are.

And the more general theme of: seek to understand and work With your ecosystem instead of destroying it because short term gains will only meet long term destruction.

Or how the whole "I'm not you dad" plotline would have been called queer coding in any other movie except in this one on of the main characters in that plot is literally already out to his family who loves him unconditionally.

Which brings me to the one scene that prompted me to make this post. Spoilers. Duh.

There is a scene maybe halfway to two thirds of the way through the movie where Ethan (our mixed race gay child protag) is talking to his long lost grandfather Jaeger (old self absorbed white man, kinda protag).

It's a catch me up on your life tell me who you are type convo so there's a pretty rapid fire "what do you do for fun, what do you like, WHO do you like?" Flurry of questions.

Ethan has a massive crush on this guy in his friend group and so when asked about romance gets all stuttery and flustered which makes Gramps push for details.

At this point my queer ass was white knuckling my seat because sure he's comfortably put to his family that has been there but Jaeger HASN'T been there he's been cut off from civilisation for 25 years and is the bad father of the movie if anyone was gonna be the homophobe it'd be him. If this had come out when I was nephews age This is where the grandad would call it a phase or get mad or play along to retain cool status and then go get mad at the parents. This would have been a dark moment of heart break.

But then with no hesitation Ethan starts gushing about this boy and how he hasn't been able to ask him out because he's so awkward around him, and the grandad's literal only response is to give him well intentioned but fucking awful advice as to how to ask this fella out (Which Ethan appreciates but also instantly calls out as an awful idea).

I unclenched purely from shock, because it went good.

It was just another light funny scene but also and this is crucial it wasn't a shoehorned in coming out moment.

There was no formal coming out, just used he/him pronouns when talking about his crush like super casual and realistic like in a scene whose actual function was to show that while Ethan thinks adventuring stuff is cool he isn't "like his grandad" (a major fear of his father's) he is instead a smart young man who is already starting to see his own path in life doesn't look anything like his father's or grandfathers.

Anyways I fully recommend everyone go see Disney's new movie about sustainable living and daddy issues just as a massive fuck you to Disney who has been making active decisions to give it less attention than recently renewed long held licenses and the 504th Christmas short from basically every franchise they own.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

I'm so not ready for Pit Babe to be over. This is one thing I love about BL, it's never the shows I expect that grab such a hold of my heart.

Oh my heart.

The way Babe's hands were shaking as he touched Charlie to make sure he was real...*sob*

Also, can we please stop giving this man head wounds?

Way to understate it Babe.

"I'm not happy" = "I was utterly devastated and incapable of functioning without you"

There we go! Time for the Kenta flip.

Being distracted from the plot by how good these two look together:

Also, I just realized Way is in white for what I think is the first time? Look at our boy getting all lightened up by being with Pete.

There's something about ultimate sunshine boy North calling Tony a dickhead that I can't stop laughing about.

Holy shit! I mean, I'm not surprised Tony killed kids, I had assumed the ones he deemed useless were sold off for their organs or something, but this is so blatant.

On the other hand, knowing what we know about the ultra-wealthy...yeah, this tracks.

Although I have to laugh a bit that the first video people will see is Tony just shoving a kid, and then it moves right along to straight up murder. Bit of an escalation there.

Dude, this is on the internet. You are way past containment!

Uh, yeah, great plan - kidnap another millionaire and a famous racing personality, I'm sure you'll have no problem staying under the radar.

I am so not normal about how North always puts himself between Sonic and danger.

Show, if you don't let these boys kiss... *growl*

Kim! My sexy baby! Coming in clutch!

Lol, alright I give Winner a few points for audacity.

Dammit, I knew Way was gonna get shot.

Also, what is it with all of the villains lately who are pulling the "just do what I want, and you will get what you want" move? It didn't work for Jareth, it's not going to work for any of you!!

Omg, Kenta!!

I have to give so much credit to Garfield, he has been acting his ass off these last few episodes.

Um, can we now stop focusing on sad faces and get Way some medical help?

Equally annoyed that they're doing the death via redemption, and distracted by how pretty Nut is during his dying scene.

Oh shit, showing Alan like this is what got me.

Well, this is just rude!

Though the fact that the funeral setup is just like Charlie's makes it feel oddly like Way is now off faking his death somewhere.

Poor Pavel, the man must have been so dehydrated after filming all this.

AlanJeff are such a balm for the soul.

And that tattoo is so sexy.

Damn, the faces these two make. I am weak.

Yay, our baby is fully where he belongs! Have fun Kim, surrounded by a big group of lovable idiots who will need your constant help.

Ah yes, can't finish this show without one more locker room railing.

Also, love that they keep getting more and more specific that Babe is, in fact, the one "taking it", for all those people who cannot see past stereotype.

Sweet.

Noooo, don't end. I need more fluff.

Ok, we for sure need a special episode, people.

We need:

SonicNorth kisses

Pete & Kenta closure (can be romantic or platonic, either way)

Kim to get a boyfriend

A bunch more group cuteness and shenanigans with zero trauma

[helicarrier]

If someone asks me about my issues with DNIs, I think I’ll just refer them to this post from now on.

Tumblr, as a website, is designed for quick, casual content sharing. You can follow blogs, then immediately like and reblog posts from them. New posts are even recommended to you directly on your dash, so you don’t even need to look at their originating blogs to interact with them. DNIs put a wrench in this intuitive manner of using tumblr. They force someone to stop and detour and read a page before they touch any posts from a blog they don't know, and that contradicts how tumblr is intuitively meant to be used. If you see a post and you like it, and if there’s an icon right underneath it, your first reaction is to click the icon. I’m sure most of us have instinctively clicked “like” (or “reblog”) on a post we found interesting.

DNIs prevent this kind of “casual” interaction. Their existence means you have to stop yourself before you interact (in any way) with a cool post, find the DNI page of the person who reblogged the post and, if applicable, find the DNI of the person who made the original post as well (because they’ll also receive the notification, unless they deleted the post on their blog), read it, then return to the post. Nothing about DNIs are baked into the functionality of tumblr in an intuitive way; if anything, the only real “do not interact with me” function you will find here in tumblr’s infrastructure is the block function.

Because DNIs are so antithetical to how tumblr functions, they're an inherently futile way of preventing interaction with certain groups of people, too. Most people aren't going to read my rules or my pinned post before they interact with my content. I would not expect them to, because it doesn't occur to many people, and it's a lot of wasted time. Even people with certain kinds of users in their DNIs routinely interact with posts made by those very people, proving this point. It is so inconvenient and absurd to read a page every time someone so much as likes a post by a random blog. Those people you don't want interacting with you? They're probably reading your blog; liking your posts even if they don't expressly say they're x group from your DNI. They're doing the same to my posts, too. That's just the price we pay for being in a public space focused on content sharing. And I accept this. Other peoples' behaviour is completely out of my control. I just block people when needed, because it is my responsibility to curate my space.

And that is the crux of the matter: I refuse to pass the responsibility of curating my space onto strangers. I refuse to make it someone else's problem when they are using tumblr in the way it was meant to be used. Ideologically and functionally, it does not make sense to me.

Just think about it: tumblr is a public website. Unless your blog is password-protected, people can find it anytime, and if they really want to interact, they'll interact regardless of your DNI. It’s not like most people will say, "oh, drat, I'm a racist, I should leave!". Maybe they’ll just interact because the labels you dislike are not visible on their blog, so they'll fly under your radar. And at times where peoples' labels or behaviour are visible, the good ol' block button is the golden standard. It always has been.

If I become mutuals with someone, sure, we'll agree to scratch each others' backs, and tag whatever the other person needs tagged. But that's different from expecting every stranger who comes across my content, wherever it shows up, to follow demands that are all the way over here, on this blog. If someone reblogs one of my photosets way over in the Stranger Things fandom, and people see the reblogged post, they shouldn't need to come to my Marvel/Random Shit™ blog and read my pages before clicking the stupid little heart button. But imagine needing to do this with every single person, every single post of theirs. Sure, maybe you’re familiar with the DNIs of the people you follow. But what about all the posts they’ve reblogged? Those posts have OPs. Do the OPs of those posts have a DNI that’s favourable to you, too?

DNIs aren't even optional reads now, and everyone suffers because of that. The proliferation of DNIs has made a culture where if someone accidentally forgets to read a DNI, doesn't know that DNIs exist, or misinterprets the contents of a DNI, it’s considered acceptable to harass them for it. It's anxiety-inducing.

“...Shit, I forgot to like their DNI.”

It doesn't help that I never know what "basic DNI criteria" means, or what the "etcetera" means either, because it changes from person to person. Folks, I’ve seen homophobes with “basic DNI criteria” in their pages. That aside, you can say "bigots DNI", but a lot of transphobes don't believe they're bigots, so you could still get radfems liking your posts. You could say "bullies DNI", but many fanpols don't consider themselves bullies, because they believe if someone writes fanfiction from the perspective of Hannibal Lecter, of course their reaction to it isn’t “bullying”, it's just justified shaming!

Everyone is the hero of their own story, and everyone thinks they're the exception. They will be the exception to your DNI, too. Again, this all goes back to the "you can't control who interacts with your content" thing. It's maddening to try and think of all the angles, all the ways to "catch" people, all the ways to plug up all the holes. You may not want to hear it, but you never will. You can get the broad strokes, but you’ll never get everyone, you won’t even get close. Even if you do somehow manage to fit all the exact terms into your DNI, and you end up with a DNI longer than a CVS receipt, you’re still going to run into all the people who... Simply don’t read it. Meanwhile, you look a little too preoccupied with who’s looking at your blog on a public website, and even if a well-intended person comes across your blog, they may just check out because they’re uncomfortable with the micromanaging.

...If they can read the DNI. Look, I’m all for creative formatting, but I see so many DNIs (and carrds in general) that have hot pink writing on a red background, or baby pink on baby blue, or yellow on lime green, and I can’t read any of it, not to mention it’s a migraine risk among other things. I’m not reading dozens of these pages every other day.

It doesn't help that many DNIs are rude, angry, hostile pages that tell people to kill themselves. That's not right. When someone volunteers to read an information page, they are doing that person a courtesy. It is shameful people need to read things like "kill yourself", "swallow a knife", and other verbal sewage. It doesn't matter if it's directed to them or not. Simply looking for people to follow and interact with, simply liking a post, should not be an exercise in mental fortitude. Needing to read awful threats over and over again should not be a requirement for engaging on this site. Imagine having depression, intrusive thoughts, and so on, where this stuff could land twice as hard. It's gotten to the point where my eyes immediately gloss over when I open a DNI, because my mind simply doesn't want to see any more shit and is trying to protect me. I'm at the point where I don't want to open DNIs at all.

But as you guessed, there's a problem with that. Because DNIs are almost compulsory on tumblr now, ignoring them has two possible outcomes: one, you annoy a ton of people, because maybe their DNIs say they don't want you around, but you're interacting with their stuff anyways. Maybe you get labelled as the person who ignores DNIs. Two, you stop your browsing in part, or as a whole, meaning almost nobody gets likes or reblogs from you anymore, because you’re trying to not waste your time, you’re trying to preserve your sanity, etc. And this hamstrings content creators.

One of the biggest flaws in DNIs is that nobody is obligated to reveal information on themselves. Minors can easily hide their age. Bigots can hide their bigotry. People can remove info from their description until they're clear of someone's initial "new follower vibe check", then put it back. Nobody knows you're a dog on the internet. It's naive to assume people will be honest about themselves, and adhere to a DNI.

DNIs are often so incredibly vague and their attitude so charged that people can't even ask for clarification, because the writer of the DNI could be radicalized and have very unhealthy views, and absolutely attack someone for reaching out. A DNI might say, "don't interact if you support incest", but it never clarifies in real life, or fiction. There has been an enormous uptick in moral panic over fiction lately, so lots of people might ask for clarification, but if they do, the person could say "in real life and fiction, duh!", flame them because they "didn't know something so obvious, it must mean they're sus!", then flame them again because they viewed the poor person's blog and saw lots of mature content they think people shouldn't write. It's absurd, but unfortunately, that kind of panic has spread. Many people use DNIs as extensions of their unhealthy interaction, media consumption, and browsing habits.

So I usually avoid DNIs.

All in all, I don't mind if someone politely asks other people to not interact, or if they say they block for certain stuff, if there’s a clear awareness that it's not a be-all, end-all solution, and that people will still interact. As long as they put the onus on themselves, rather than other people, to curate their space, it’s cool. For example, if someone is an 18+ blog, and they ask minors not to interact? Cool, if they don’t “punish” or otherwise attack minors who find posts of theirs on other blogs, and “like” them from there without going all the way over to the OG blog to see if they’re allowed to do like it. Because again, that’s a bit of an unfair requirement to impose on people. And whatever.

Because people shouldn’t feel like they’re playing minesweeper when they want to click a heart. Between the terfs, racists, and all the other issues, we have enough on our hands already.

[namtanlovesfilm]

Wanted to start this by saying that I usually agree with your opinions (or even when I don't, I can at least see where you're coming from) but that's not the case when it comes to your opinion on Only Friends because I completely disagree and just wanted to add my two cents. You said that it wasn't relatable to the queer community but I'm sorry, the queer community isn't a monolith, there isn't one universal way that every single queer friendship group functions. Just because it wasn't relatable to your experience, it doesn't mean that it wasn't relatable to many other queer people's experiences. For example, one of my friend groups consists of gay men and the stories they've told me (and some of which I witnessed with myself)? Not that far off from OF (aka everyone getting with everyone, behind people's backs as well, and most of them are still on friendly terms now). It's perfectly fine that you didn't personally relate but you can't say no queer person/community did.

I also saw depth to a lot of characters and I could relate to several of them in different ways and everything in the finale made sense to me for those characters. For me it achieved what it set out to do: entertain, while also make me connect/care about some of the characters. It didn't do that for everyone (you included) but please don't claim it's a "bad show" as a general statement just because you didn't get anything out of it because a lot of people did. (My friend who struggles with depression and is currently going through a depressive slump found comfort in seeing Ray progress to a point where he's much happier at the end of the series because it gives her hope that she can get to that point soon too.)

Is Only Friends a brilliant, amazing, showstopping, incredible show? No. But it's not bad, far from it. It certainly has its flaws but the sudden hate it's getting is not warranted imo.

hi, first of all, it's fine to disagree lol, though it's always a bit jarring to me when people feel the need to let me know they disagree with me bc clearly we simply have a different taste & opinion. when I share my opinion about a show, I do it on my blog but never go on others' blogs to either defend a show I liked or trash a show I didn't like, but anyways. I have NEVER, EVER said that the queer community is a monolith & that all queer representation needs to be relatable to ME. in fact, a lot of my favorite queer media are HIGHLY UN-relatable to me lol. I never implied that only friends' flaws comes from it being unrelatable or unrealistic? in fact I believe it to be realistic since it's made by queer men & has recurring topics that p'jojo especially has used in previous shows of his, especially since the story of only friends is inspired by real-life events. in fact I said that I WISH they'd have leaned into the queer community aspect of it even more bc it was the one point in which this show differentiates itself from friend zone, so yeah. don't really know where you got that notion from. secondly, like it or not, I can claim any shows I've watched are bad in my opinion. once again, media is subjective & I did not like only friends so for me it IS a bad show. is it the worst? no. did I HATE it? no. did I have a good time in front of it? also no. also from a writing standpoint I'm sorry it IS objectively bad and FAILED at what it set out to do, especially considering the show itself doesn't seem to know what it set out to do in the first place. moreover, sudden hate? I've been criticizing only friends since it started airing lol, I'm not jumping on any bandwagon, and in fact it's more so the fandom that's catching up to the fact that this show is not very good. now, I'm genuinely glad that this show helped you & your friend and that you liked it! that's great, of COURSE this show is gonna have its fans, and in fact it has a lot of them! however it seems to me as if you've taken my (justified) criticism of the show to heart for a reason that only you fully know, and I hope you can investigate why that is. I truly value you as a long time follower of mine & I hope you can agree to disagree with me on that one even though I must admit this ask seems a bit jarring & personal to me. wish you all the best :)

xxx

[bluebunnyears-08]

How Rusty Rose Could Be Darker: Analysis Of A Rusted Rose

Alright, so I really want to talk about how the very concept of Rusty Rose could be even more messed up. So here's a post on our robotic queen <3

So you guys are wondering, how can the concept of one of the sweetest Sonic characters becoming nothing more than a robot of destruction, used for 5 dictators' purposes be darker than it already is?

Well, what if I presented the ideas of both lobotomy and body removal, not to mention the mental issues that Rusty has? Yep, we're going to explore that!

First let's speak about body removal, the easier one. Let's take a look at Rusty's design, shall we?

She has no real body parts save for her head, and only by a little. Her arms and legs have clearly been removed as well as the rest of her body, including her organs, which is horrifying. Even her hair is nothing more than a helmet.

This makes you think, well not ALL of her organs are removed, I mean she still has a heart right?

Well...

Yeah, It's not pleasant. She has a flicky in place of a heart which is horrifying, both for the implications that the flicky is being used as an energy source, and that Rusty shows no attachment to it. The only thing that has been saved is a side of her face. The rest of her is nothing but Robo limbs. It's seen in the pirate episodes that Rusty is also waterproof. And in the first two episodes, it's shown she's fireproof.

In fact, she doesn't even have her other eye, it's just a red dot now. Not to mention her emerald eye, her real eye, looks robotic as well.

Rusty isn't human anymore. She lost that to the Council, who use her as a tool. Which makes me all the more curious about what the hell happened to make Rusty this way? What made her decide to damage herself to become a killer cyborg?

We probably won't find out until season 2, so I'm just going to go on to my next point.

Lobotomy.

Now I know some of you are saying that what Rusty does is in code, but wouldn't they have to get to her brain in order to do that? Not to mention, Rusty can be programmed to change sides without question. And when that happens her red dot turns to yellow, which is probably just because Nine was the one in control with his signature color of yellow.

Rusty doesn't act like the Amy we know, she's cold, apathetic, and robotic. But Rusty shows emotions, but it's just barely expressed. Most of the time she has a stoic frown on her face.

The effects of lobotomy are a change in the subject's personality, emotions, empathy, and ability to function on their own. However, a long-term side effect is a mental dullness.

Lobotomy is a process where the subjects (I'm never saying patient to such a horrible thing) have neural connections between the frontal lobe, a part of the brain that controls the person's memory, emotions, and problem-solving skills severed by a sharp surgical tool.

I think the process Rusty went through was the Transorbital Lobotomy, which is where the process done through the person's eye sockets. Something must've gone wrong or something because her left eye is no longer there. So they replaced it with the grate and dot, which could be something planted inside Rusty's eyesocket (Yeah I know, I'm getting squirmish too).

The effects of transorbital lobotomy (which is used to eliminate excess emotion and stabilize a personality, which the Council might've used to remove any strong emotions) can cause the subject to be childlike and less prone to worry.

Now I know some of you might be saying that Rusty isn't childish, not really, but Rusty's needs to look to others for orders and random bouts of emotions evoke a childlike feel to her. Like she's a child looking to adults for guidance.

This brings me to my last point in this post; Rusty's complex issue.

When it's looked into more, Rusty doesn't seem to serve on the council because she just wants to, it's probably to feel validated or appreciated. Instead of giving herself validation and accepting herself, she undergoes robotic implants and lobotomy to please a group of dictators.

Rusty doesn't love herself.

And when she probably realized earlier her mistake, she gives up on fighting it, instilling a dull and emotionally suppressed mindset (not that it wasn't already). But then Nine programs her to fight for the Rebels, and we see that Rusty's more expressive, more lively than she was.

She expresses herself more because she's not alone anymore.

Then Nine abandons her and the Rebels, and we see this.

When Nine abandons them, Rusty doesn't show shock or surprise; she shows tired disappointment, not at Nine, in fact, she seems to accept his betrayal. In the first picture, her self-disappointment is on full display, she's saddened at the fact that Nine didn't think of her as good enough and left her.

The second picture has her looking down, still sad, still loathing herself.

Then the last one has her finally break into tears, not just at the betrayal, but at her self-thought failure to be useful. She looks angry at herself.

Knuckles is furious, and Rouge is hurt, but Rusty is the one that truly breaks down at that moment. Knuckles and Rouge escape, and we see Rusty. Her sadness was suddenly gone, a small smile on her face.

It's relieved in a way. It shows what Rusty truly thinks. She doesn't want the city to be a punk-dystopian city, she regrets her choice to join the Council, and she wants freedom like the others. But then this happens.

She gets reprogrammed to the Council, and her thoughts are overridden by code and she serves the Council once more. She doesn't look too happy about it either.

Then we'll skip to episode 6, with Nine getting captured. When Mister Dr. Eggman announces that Nine has been captured we see a brief look of some sort of sadness on Rusty.

Only for it to harden.

Rusty didn't seem happy when the fox she worked under briefly got caught, there's a sense of sadness. Only for it to be squashed down into cold aloofness. She goes back under the Council's plan.

Then in the pirate episode, Rusty sees Black Rose, and both are understandably shocked. Rusty glitches out and refuses to bomb the rest of the ship. Her face as she calls for the robots to stop and her voice both sound panicked.

She doesn't seem to want to hurt Black Rose for some reason. A reason we'll find out in season 2. Hopefully Black Rose'll make her find peace with herself.

Anyway, this was just another messed up theory, and thank you for reading it! I hope you liked it, and I'll see ya when I come up with another crazy theory.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Thank you, Mr Chairman, I’m Jeff Cleghorn, sixth generation Georgian, live in Butts County, army veteran, retired lawyer, and have been a gay rights activist for the last three decades.

I served on the board of directors of Georgia Equality and Lambda Legal,and am a past president of the Stonewall Bar Association. I have long advocated for the equal dignity of gay and lesbian Georgians and Americans.

SB88 is necessary because queer, gender identity transgender activism, and the transgender medical industry, are aggressively targeting children of all ages including inside school classrooms. This is a belief system that many people, me included, do not believe in.

The gay rights movement succeeded because we changed hearts and minds, and we did it the old-fashioned way: by telling the truth about our lives. And today, gays and lesbians live in every Georgia county happy and content to love our families and be good citizens. I have long known and worked with many transgender people, and I know that they only want to live their lives in peace, free from mistreatment by anyone. And I’m glad trans Americans and Georgians now have every legal right as the rest of us with the Supreme Court recently expanding Title VII to include workplace protections for transgender.

But, as a result of piggybacking transgender activism on the gay movement of yesterday, transgender activists never did the work. They skipped right over the changing hearts and mind part. Instead, they stridently declared the “LGBTQ+ is now a single identity," and that some people can be both sexes at the same time, while other people are neither male nor female, and some people are born in the wrong body, and some women have a penis. and there are 58 different genders, and as many pronouns.

SB88 is necessary because the former gay rights movement has been hijacked by those pushing this dishonest gender ideology on children. This is about much more than helping kids with gender dysphoria, most of whom will grow up to be gay or lesbian if left alone, according to every study ever conducted on the subject. This is about indoctrinating kids into a belief system that is not real.

Tens of millions of dollars are spent each year by groups like GLSEN and the Trevor project specifically targeting kids with this ideology. And queer activists push this belief system that gender and sex and sexuality can mean whatever someone says they mean, and there should be no boundaries.

Parents have every right to know if this stuff shows up in their child’s school. No one had ever heard of a transgender child until recently and today we see tens of thousands of young females soliciting GoFundMe donations online to amputate their healthy breasts or to have “gender affirming hysterectomies."

15 years ago, there were only two or three so-called gender clinics. Today there are hundreds, including more than 50 paediatric. The skyrocketing thousands of percent recent increase in kids claiming a trans identity is not by accident and children are being harmed.

There are more than 52,000 members of a Reddit transitional group, mostly young lesbians, and gay men with gutting stories of regret, sterility, loss of sexual function, early onset osteoporosis, and vaginal atrophy as the transgender medical industry is laughing all the way to the bank.

SB88 is needed because they are proselytizing this queer, sex, sexuality ideology to children. Activists and schools have no business interfering with the parent-child relationship.

Do not let schools teach kids to keep secrets from their parents. These are not Georgia values. Thank you.

[cantsomeoneelsedoit]

Ch 41: Couldn't Care Less About Pain

Meeting for the first time, twice.

Is it just me, or does this Andy kind of remind you of Frankenstein's monster? The expressions and the bandages remind me of when the monster was first on the run after he escaped from Victor's lab. Also, the name "Victor" hmmm... Is whoever "created" Andy in UU a literary Victor Frankenstein parallel? Is Victor a kind of Victor Frankenstein? Is Andy a kind of monster?

Anyway, they are in Longing! But he doesn't answer regarding the year. It's interesting that he can already speak Japanese.

If this part of Andy's past is just after the Civil War, then the US hasn't been in official contact with Japan for very long. How did he learn Japanese?

Maybe it's that only Victor's memories are locked in the memory card, but not his skills. If Victor could speak Japanese, then Andy can, too. Obviously, Andy could still speak English after Victor was suppressed, so there are some things that were passed along.

Oh, Josh doesn't want this new chick moving in on her captain! (Captain of what, exactly?)

None of them trust Fuuko from the start, so she thinks of the best way to prove she's not a threat. It's a similar situation to when she earned the trust of the kids in Longing; winning people over is something Fuuko's going to be doing a lot in this story.

Fuuko proved she knew Andy by identifying his tattoos and scar, just like Juiz did when she pointed out his mole! Poor Andy having people come up and tell him about parts of his body that he hasn't (knowingly) showed them!

But also--- damn, Andy has a lot of ladies after him! Everywhere he goes! Gina, zombie preschool teacher, Fuuko, Josh...

The rescued children all return to their parents, and the group accepts a meal as payment. The woman at the bar has an apron that appears to say "Sunflower Saloon." They just can't stop naming things after sunflowers in this town, I guess. It's almost like Longing longs to be a certain way.

It's like a setting that the author reuses just because they like it so much. They even included a similar premise with the kids needing to be rescued. In some ways, Longing functions in the meta in the same way it functions in the story: as a movie set.

Shen told us in Ch 11:

Yes, except the THEY in this sentence is the Author/God! They reuse this setting for all things Western. I'll bet we see Longing a few more times before the series ends.

Alexa, please add "Quantum Leap/amnesia traveler" to the list of genres.

Andy's crew still doesn't trust Fuuko, and it gets even weirder when she said she knows him from his rampant nudity.

Andy gives Fuuko the initiation test, and now she's looking as reckless as Anno Un! She was so sure that her Andy wouldn't have put real bullets in the gun. Again, she knew him almost better than he knew himself!

And that's how Fuuko joined Cap'n Andy's Wild West Adventure Crew! And then, almost immediately, he loses everyone except her.

I'm not even sure present-day Andy has ever made a face like this. It's so distant and cold.

What a disappointment that the saloon lady sold them out! I get that she was trying to protect the kids from more harm, but these are people who literally just protected the kids! What the hell, lady?!

OTOH, I think the narrative reason for having her sell them out is to prove to the readers that the bad guys shooting up the place wasn't any kind of effect from Fuuko's Unluck, from when Captain Andy caught her or when Josh touched Fuuko's hair, or any other theory. It was pre-planned before Fuuko even came into the scene. It would've happened anyway, because it's part of Andy's past.

"It makes more sense to get in close." That's a line spoken by someone who has killed before and expects to kill again. And if Captain Andy were a villain, that'd be a pretty chilling thing to have him say! It's so detached from emotion.

But Fuuko knows his heart, and she knows how much each loss hurts him (even Red, who we hardly met...)

Compare this reaction to what he said about his war buddies in Russia and his tone when he told Fuuko they were all dead:

He said they'd back them up when they need it! And he was looking forward to the restaurant (he was probably gonna introduce Fuuko to them!) And then he just says they're dead, just like that. And when she asks "what now?" he assumes she's talking about dinner bc he's not thinking about his dead friends OR dinner right now. He's pushed down grief for so long just to keep fighting! T.T He's a lot like Juiz.

Masterpost

[hecatemoon87]

Hey darling, i hope you are doing fine!

I'm going through a real hard time right now and i'm in a constant cycle of being sad, growing desperate, start crying, getting angry (mostly at myself cuz i'm a useless piece of 💩) cry some more and then just feeling numb until the sadness returns and everything starts over again.

How do you think the different Hardy characters would deal with that? Alfie, Eddie, Tommy, Bob, Forrest and all the other wonderful characters? Sorry for bothering

Dear Friend,

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling down. It sounds like you are struggling with some overwhelming emotions. And that is something that I can relate to.

Let me first say, you are not a useless piece of sh*t. You are a wonderful human being who is trying their best at existing in a complicated world.

The complexity of the world is confusing and frustrating. And sometimes it is hard to process all the negativity, causing emotional anguish at a level equal to physical pain.

What you need to know is that the universe sees good, and it wants you to feel good. As long as we try to do better, be kind, tolerant and patient we can find balance between our mind and spirit.

You are worthy, you are good and you are strong. It is okay to cry, it is okay to have bad days, it is okay to feel what you're feeling. But I just want you to know that you are more than you think you are.

You have more power than you could possibly imagine, it's in your heart, believe me, it's there. You just gotta search for it, and you'll find that you are strong, powerful and filled with goodness.

Now, you are interested in how Tom Hardy Character's would deal with such emotions? Let's see then!

Alfie Solomons

I don't think Alfie has ever processed his emotions in healthy way. He probably suffers from PTSD from the war. It would be hard not to, even though I think he is of a stronger mind than most. He certainly has anger issues, but I believe he keeps his mind occupied by challenging himself against others regarding wits and strategy. A healthy habit is to stay occupied, and Alfie is always on the move.

Eddie Brock

I think Eddie would allow himself to feel his emotions completely. He isn't the type to feel unmasculine if he cries. Though Eddie is impulsive and causes a good portion of his own drama, he seems to be able to express his emotions rather than bottling them up. I feel like Eddie would be willing to go to therapy to work on his issues. Finding a good therapist is a very helpful tool in trying to process complex emotions, and lord knows Eddie has a few of those.

Tommy Conlon

Poor Tommy, talk about a man who has experienced trauma. Instead of embracing the need to address his issues, he tries to push down the pain with pills or fighting in the ring. I think he's the type of man who would require his significant other to support him through his pain. The woman he would be with needs to remind him of his mother in some way. Meaning that she would need to give him the same love and comfort that he had lost when his mother died. Finding a support group or even just a friend is important. And Tommy needs that.

Bob Saginowski

I feel like Bob is kind hearted and a good man. But over all, it seems he can process stressful situations fairly well. He understands what is right and what is wrong. It's wrong to hurt a defenseless puppy, and it's wrong to abuse a defenseless woman. It is not wrong to bring justice to someone who is bad. And Bob is able to sleep at night with the choices he has made. This type of person is rare I think. Not to say that Bob is a psycho! He is just able to use logic over his emotions, and according to studies, it is a rare trait.

Forrest Bondurant

We all know how Forrest functions. In silence! But, oh, boy, this man FEELS things. He just doesn't show it. He experiences rage, sadness, passion and endurance in a stoic and undetectable manner. He is a man of action. You won't find him sitting around complaining. He's gonna stand up and walk out that door. And lord have mercy on whoever pisses him off! That isn't exactly healthy...violence is never the answer, but hey, it's 1931, therapy wasn't invented just yet. And not like Forrest would go...maybe Maggie could have persuaded him?